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A girl in our office was getting married and as a joke we bought her a bottle of Mad Dog 20 20 for her husband on their wedding night. When she returned we asked her if her husband drank the MD and she replied no, he just went straight for the crack (meaning the drug) We all took it that he went straight for the "crack" and just started laughing our asses off - she turned six shades of red and left.
In ninth grade my friend and I thought it was hysterical to take drinks of our water and then pretend to seizure only to have our coach pull us aside with a lesson about how her son has epilepsy and how we were totally and completely offending her every time we did that. Foot in Mouth.
In college I received a phone call from my best friend’s boyfriend who was all “I found out she’s dating someone new” and I was all “Ohhh…she told you?” and he was all “No. You just did.” Oops. I seriously wanted to put my foot in my mouth.
So my boss and I were writting a letter to a man named Dick. As the day went on he still hadn't given me the final proof, knowing that it was an urgent letter that needed to be sent I decided I better check with him. In front of a room full of people I approach him and say "Hey did you still want to get that dick out today?" I turned every shade of red possible and tried to correct myself, by yelling repeatedly "I mean the letter". It was too late, everyone heard!
I go to this topless bar and a dancer comes dancing up to me. Everything's fine until she turns around and I see she has this HUGE boil on her ass. As she walks away I say to the guy next to me "Dude, did you see that? That's disgusting - what a skank." He looks at me and says "That's my wife, asshole!
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